I am a Fat Kid

Ok, so I'm not really a kid. I turned the big 3-0 in July. But, I very much act like a kid at heart so it works for me. The fat part? Well that is spot on. I'm fat. Hell, my Nintendo Wii told me I was obese. Asshole Wii. It's always been the most smug videogame system. "We don't need flashy graphics, we're Nintendo, just play with our cool Wiimote". Nintendo 1, Matt 0. No matter how crude my Wii wants to be, it has a point, I am obese.

The problem with it is I haven't really cared much about it. Do I like being fat? Nope. But I don't remember being happy about being skinny either. It's never mattered much. I am so confident in myself and I have a personality that no body size can contain anyhow. I have dieted a few times, but not necessarily because of my size. I've done it just to make sure I am healthier and to keep from putting too many toxins in my system. But like most people, after awhile I just kind of slip away from the diet.

My weight fluctuates, alot. I'll have 20 lbs swings in one year. That does kind of scare me. I know it's not good for your body to have that kind of stress on it. Pick up a 20 lb bag of dog food, it's no joke. I'm not one of those people who blames it all on genetics, but I wasn't blessed in that department. My mom was adopted and I met her biological parents and they weren't small people. My mothers weight jumped up and down her whole life too. My father has had so many belt sizes in his life, it is hard to keep track. My dad is not fat by any means. He actually does a damn good job in watching what he eats and he works out too. But if he ate garbage and didn't work out, he has the frame to pack it on.

I have a large frame. My shoulders are wide. Wider then any of my other friends. Many friends and family tell me I am built like a football player. Yeah, a football player that hasn't seen a gym in 8 years. Speaking of 8 years ago, that's when I kind of gave up. I used to play rec basketball multiple times a week. Very hard nosed competitive ball. I was still kind of puffy then, but no where close to where I am now. But my basketball partner/roommate/best friend committed suicide in 2003. When he died, so did my love for the game. I just stopped playing. I was really good at it too. But that's another story for another time.

So if I'm ok with being a fat kid, what is the point of this blog? Well, I was far from skinny when Jill and I got together, but I have grown quite I bit since then. I feel bad for her that she's with the Incredible Bulk. Plus, she put on weight over the years that she's spent with me and I know it's bothered her. Some friends and family are nice enough to point it out to her too. Jill wants to do better and she has goals set to get back to a certain size. She's doing very well too. She's actually under her pre-pregnancy weight right now!

I also don't want to embarrass Lucy. Kids are mean. I don't want her teased because her dad is a fatty fat fatterson. It's not her fault I am the way I am. Plus child obesity is a huge problem today and I don't want to be a hypocrite and manage her weight while letting mine do the roller coaster routine. I just want to be a good dad and husband to my family. I don't want to be a little guy at all, nor do I want to be a muscle dude like my brothers. I just need to find that middle ground. I need to do this for my girls, and for me. I just have to figure out how, and when. Plus it has to be on my terms. Who knows when I'll start, or if I start even. All I know is that I want to be the best version of Matt I can be.