There Really Is A Santa Claus?

(1987)

By the time I was 8 I had pretty much figured out the deal about Santa. It wasn't that I didn't want to believe, but a series of things happened that lead me to lose faith in Good Ol' Sandy Claus.

The first time my faith was rocked was in 1987. I was 7 years old. We always celebrated Christmas by spending the night with my Mother's parents, my Poppa and my Grandma 'Cille. This was the first year my baby brother Keven was around. Of course the extended family wanted to play with the baby so Brian and I went to venture downstairs to play. As we did my Poppa warned us not to go play in the spare bedroom. Of course being 7, and Brian being an above average naughty 5 year old, we wanted to see what was in the bed room. At this point I wasn't even skeptical about Santa. But when we opened the door I saw a bicycle and a TV. Knowing that I really shouldn't be in there, we closed the door and pretended not to know what we just saw. I went to bed that night assuming that those gifts were from my Mom or even my Poppa. When we woke up that Christmas morning, Brian had a new bike that was labeled from Santa. I got a new TV that my parents told me Santa delivered. I asked again, did Santa bring this or did you. My Mother kindly told me, "Of course Santa brought it."

The next year, 1988, was the year that more things fell into place. You always heard talk on the playground at school about Santa. Kids would fight over whether or not he was real. It was a serious accusation! My best friend, David, is a year older than me, and was much more street smart, I guess you could say. He broke it to me around the same time that the WWF was fake, and he told me Santa was too. I fought him on both, but when my Dad confirmed that the Macho Man Randy Savage didn't really bust the Million Dollar Man in the face, David just had to be right about Old Saint Nick too!

My Dad used to work at Cottonwood Mall, in Holladay, Utah. He was in management. One day in 1988, Brian and I went to work with him. He got called away from his desk and told us to stay put in his office while he handled some business. We got bored fairly fast and started digging through his desk. After that we went into his office closest. And there it was. The nail in the coffin. Right next to an Easter Bunny costume and over sized rabbit head was a red and white Santa suit. Black boots and a black belt with bells. A red hat with white trimming was on the floor, right on top of a big, white, fake beard. The mall Santa was a phony. The jig was up.

I remember driving with my Mom. It was raining. She was playing a Judd's cassette tape in the car. I told her very nonchalantly, "I know the truth." "Know the truth about what", she said with a confused look in her eyes. "About Santa, he's not real, there really isn't a Santa." She asked me who told me that, and I explained the playground banter, the suit in my Dad's office, and about how none of it makes sense (I never fessed up about seeing the gifts). I explained that sometimes my friends at school who were bad kids, got expensive gifts, but some of my really good friends, who were poor, got hardly anything. Why would Santa give the mean kid a Nintendo, but my poor friend got socks? I was also confident that no matter what kind of magic he used, there was no way he could hit every house in one night. I let it all fly. My stomach dropped. I was nervous to say it all, but also felt some relief. Then she said it, "You're right."

I was right? Damn. I was kind of hoping she'd tell me otherwise. Debate my answers and explain my questions. She said, "Santa is in us all." "I'm your Santa and one day you'll be Santa to your kids." She explained to me that as the oldest I had to play along, which I always did, and never tell my siblings. I even got to drink Santa's milk and split the cookies left behind with my Poppa.

When we all woke up that Christmas morning my Poppa was reading a newspaper. The family was all talking and my Mom had a tear in her eye. They called me over and I sat down at the table. I'm not sure if it was on the front page, but in the Salt Lake Tribune newspaper, in bright red print, was the headline: "Yes Matthew, There Really Is a Santa Claus."I asked right away if they did that. Everyone said they didn't. My Grandparents were all smiles, but promised me they had nothing to do with it. Could it be he was really talking to me? My Mom asked me if I believed now, and honestly I did. To this day, I still do.

Thankful for our time

It's just about 2am on this cold Thanksgiving morning. I got off work at 1am, after a fun filled day working in a grocery store around this holiday. Always an adventure. I'm sitting down to write as my mind is still wide awake even though my body is ready for bed. Have to do something to even out the score between mind and body.

My house is quiet. Not the normal 2am quiet though. My wife and girls are all spending the night at my in-laws and I, for the first time in a long time, have the house to myself without an alarm to wake me up in the morning. Who knows how long I'll sleep? I need to pick up a few hours, but I'm betting it won't happen. I actually have a harder time sleeping without my wife and children around. They are my comfort.

When they are not around, I'm not enjoying the "peace and quiet", or whatnot. I actually miss them and think about them almost the whole time. Part of this I know happens because of my issues with mortality. For those who don't know, age, numbers, time, and such, scares me greatly. I fear time. When my girls aren't around I feel like I've lost time with them. They'll never be as young as they are in this exact moment. I also dwell on how I'm once breath closer to death, how we all are. These thoughts race through my mind even when I'm busy and my kids are around me, but they come at me in a full court press when things are quiet or when I'm trying to sleep at night. These thoughts are the biggest reason why I struggle to sleep.

My Mom died at 38. I'm 33. I know I'm not her and that everyone has a different story, but I always think about how young she was when she died and how I'm almost at that age. Because of this I have a hard time really enjoying things that should normally be fun if they are time consuming. For example, I like video games. A lot. However, I almost always have guilt right after playing them by thinking about how that was (insert time played here) and I'll never have that part of my life back. Even when I play from 11pm to midnight and I wouldn't be doing anything else anyways, I immediately think about how that's one hour of my life gone, and for what? I do that with reading, watching TV, driving places, and so on. I know, I'm broken.

I can't shake these thoughts though. I feel like life is too short as is, but I feel like maybe mine will be shorter than average. Not being cryptic or anything, it's just the way my mind works. But because of this, it's the reason why I try to take on more parenting responsibilities. By nature, I am a nurturer. I have the need to take care of people. I'm sure this comes from being the oldest and having to always watch over my younger siblings. But because of my fear of time and natural parenting instincts, I want to be around my kids as much as possible. I've set my work schedule so that I work weekends and nights while Jill works the Mon-Fri 9-5 gig. Sure it steals time away from seeing Jill, but it allows us to raise our kids and not a daycare.

It's not easy. Eleanor and I are still trying to get on the same page. She still doesn't trust me like she does her Mom. She likes me enough, but I'm not who she wants. She wants her Mom. It's made for some really tough days recently. It broke me down to the point I cried. I felt like maybe my baby and I won't connect. I know that it's rubbish. It took Lucy some time to be my buddy too, and we made it. I just thought it'd be easier the second time around. It's not.

For half a minute though I thought about maybe going back to my 9-5 style job. Maybe I'm not cut out to be home with the kids all the time. Jill makes it look so easy, even though I know it's hard on her too. But just as those thoughts crept in my mind, my fear of time hit me like a ton of bricks. Before I know it Ellie will be grown. She'll never be this small again. Suck it up big boy. Love your babies. Be there for them. Who knows how much time is left? I know that the time that we do have moves way too fast.

So on this Thanksgiving morning I can say, without fear, that I am truly thankful for the time I have spent with my family, and for all the time we will have together in the future. Jillian, Lucille, and Eleanor, you are my world. I am thankful that I get to call Jill my wife, and Lucy and Ellie my girls. I will continue to make sure that you three are my priority in life and that the time we do have is spent wisely. I will do better at enjoying the moment and not focusing so much on time, in the negative manner. Let's spend our time together how we choose and let's make more memories! With that said, Disney World anyone? ;)

Being a parent

Being a parent can be hard. There are the obvious things. Things like having your time stretched as thin as possible. Things like getting yelled at by a 3 foot dictator. Things like being tired. ALL THE TIME.

But then there are the things that are hard that people don't normally think about. Things like punishing a naughty child. Things like handling a sick kid. Things like wiping someone else's boogers and behind.

I wouldn't trade being a father for anything. The friends that I don't see, the parties I've missed, the vacations to Vegas that don't happen anymore, none of that matters. I can honestly say I'd rather be home wiping up boogers and wrangling up a wiggling 3 month old than out playing on my own. In fact, as I write this Ellie is trying to do a ninja flip out of my arms.

Of course I miss doing some of that stuff. I miss the friends that I don't see anymore. But, teaching someone how to behave and then having love reciprocated, trumps any fun I could have doing otherwise.

There is no greater feeling than having your child come up to you, unprovoked, and having them gush about how much they love you. Lucy runs up to me daily and says, "Dad, you know what? I love you". Keep your parties.

But the punishment is hard. I'm such a baby about it all. If I have to raise my voice or give a little bum tap (yes I do that), I end up crying afterwards. So manly, right? But I have to be diligent. Don't want my kids growing up to be jerk faces.

So for now my role is to be a role model. To be a father. To be a best friend. I enjoy my time dancing in the kitchen as a "princess daddy" and my time taking my kids on walks through scenic trails. One day I won't have that opportunity. There will be no more sick kids requesting banana suckers to cure their ailments. There won't be dances in the kitchen. My kids will grow and they'll out grow childish things. By that time I want them to understand how important they've always been to me and I want them to be well adjusted people. I want them to remember how daddy was always there for them and not off doing selfish things. There is nothing in this life more important than trying to make this place better for your own children.

Lucille and Eleanor, your mother and my world starts and ends with you two beautiful girls. Always and forever.

Searching for an identity

Let me start this off by saying that Ellie is a healthy, wonderful little girl. I haven't written since she was born as life has been a whirlwind of late. We moved from Saratoga Springs to Bountiful, which is like a homecoming for me. My parents both grew up here and I was born at the hospital up the road. I'm only a few minutes up the street from my Grandparents.

But this is not why I wanted to blog tonight. I'm doing this as a way to possibly make contact with some family out there. My mother, Marianne Parker, was adopted. She was adopted by Robert Parker and Lucille Matthews Parker in 1962. She was born in Boise, Idaho. Her birth mothers name was Rose, but I don't remember her last name. My father is pretty sure her biological fathers name is Billy Greathouse.

Years ago her biological sister, who's name I can't recall, contacted me on myspace. I never got back in touch with her and I didn't ever check my myspace account. I'm searching for her and for answers about my mothers biological parents. It would be nice to find of things for medical purposes and to know where I come from. I know my mothers biological dad is an American Indian, and I'd love to know more about him and what tribe he is from. If anyone reading this knows how to even start to look for answers, or if you're family and you can help me fill in the blanks, I'd really appreciate it. My mother and both her parents have passed away, so I'm left without much to go off of. Thanks for anything you can help with.

Mother:

Marianne Parker Mabey Tillotson
5/26/1962 - 6/30/2000
Born in Boise, Idaho

Birth Mother:
Rose

Birth Father:
Billy Greathouse (?)

Adopted to:
Robert and Lucille Parker
of Bountiful, Utah

Mending Fences

If you've been following my blog or If you've stumbled across some of my older posts, or if you're a close friend and you know my situation, you likely know that I've had some family issues in the past. I talked rather openly and freely about many topics, but the one that caused me the most pain and anger had to do with my father. For a long time we were not getting alone or even speaking. It was the hardest and most confusing thing I've dealt with. I'm not going to get into specifics as to why things were the way they were. There is no need to rehash the past, nor is there any reason to place blame on anyone or anything. People fight. People disagree. Bad things can happen even when the intent is good. In the end what matters most is that I have my dad back in my life. He's a rather private man, so I'm just going to leave our story alone, but I had to throw this picture up on my blog. It makes me happier than words can express.

Welcome Miss Ellie

Eleanor Kenley Mabey was born July 1st 2013 at 7:50am.

Baby is perfectly healthy and Momma was a champ! Everything worked out perfectly and now our family is complete. The surgery was much easier on Jill this time around. Being in labor for 19 hours the last time made things much worse. When I got to see her in recovery she looked amazing. You'd have never known just by seeing her and talking with her that she was minutes removed from major surgery.

Eleanor AKA Ellie, AKA Rigby, AKA eEK is perfect. Zero health problems. She is a cutie too. So similar to how her sister looked when she was born, we have some pictures of the girls that friends and family can not correctly make out who is who! She came in a whole pound less than Lucy, which isn't a bad thing. All the nurses kept talking about how much Ellie was their favorite baby in the hospital and how sweet our little eEK's disposition is.

So you're probably wondering what eEK is all about? Despite the fact that she does have a major set of lungs on her, she doesn't cry too much. But she does make lots of coo's and cute noises. One of those noises sound like an "eek". Being that her initials are EK, I've stylized the name as such, eEK. Since I am a huge Beatles fan, you can probably make the connection to the Rigby nickname.

So my concerns about loving two children equally has diminished. I adore my Ellie. As she continues to grow from a potato into a little girl, I'm sure my love will grow leaps and bounds, just as it did with Lucy. Having these two kids just feels right. Not that I am not overwhelmed. After coming home today and the visitors left, Lucy turned in the Tasmanian Devil and destroyed the house, ignored her parents, blatantly disobeyed, and whined. A lot. We made it through the day however, and we will continue to push onwards.

I'll write later about the whole experience welcoming Eleanor into our lives later, but for now I just wanted to throw out an update about her and Jill.

Oh, and no worrying was necessary. The hospital was packed to the brim with Lorna Doone cookies. Plus, my father in law bought me a box of my own to help me make it through the next little while. ;)

To Eleanor

Eleanor,

Despite your mothers best efforts and yours, you did not show up before your set c-section date. No matter how severe or frequent your mothers contractions were, you just sat in place. By "sat in place" I do mean you punched her kidneys and ninja kicked her bladder, but all attempts to "hatch" were nil. So here we sit, just hours away from your birth. I have to be honest little one, I'm terrified.

I'm scared for the surgery that takes place for you to join us. I'm scared that maybe you won't be born completely healthy. I'm scared that the hospital no longer offers fathers endless supplies of Lorna Doone cookies (ok not really). But most of all I'm scared that I won't be a good father.

It won't be for a lack of trying, all I want to do on my time on this planet is to make it better for my kids than it was for me. That is in no way a knock on my upbringing, it's just a goal I think every parent should have. But right now I'm so unsure of myself as father to TWO kids.

I adore Lucille. The kid has me wrapped around her finger. I feel like it's unfair that she got 2.5 years of alone time with me and that you'll have to share my attention. I'm also worried because my heart feels like it's going to explode because of how much I love Lucy, how am I suppose to love another one as much and not die?!?! I know it will be ok, my friends that have multiple kids have all told me that it works out, I'm just voicing my anxiety.

Then of course I worry about bringing home enough "bacon". I worry that I will drown in diapers, bottles, binkies, and estrogen. I worry that I'm just not that good at being a Dad. I guess you could just say I worry about everything.

I just want everything to work out perfectly. I want the operation to be go smoothly. I want you to be healthy. I want you and I to have the same connection that Lucy and I do. I want our family to be perfect and I know it will once you arrive. But for the next few hours, I'm going to panic.

Love, Dad

Uncertain tomorrow

What a crazy roller coaster this life is. Just when you feel like everything in life is perfect, something comes up and dashes away those feelings. After 10 years of dedicated service at her work, my wife was let go. No real solid explanation, the HR guy brought in to do the deed even confessed his confusion as to why. I have my thoughts on what really happened, but it's not my battle or the proper forum so I'll leave it. But what kid of company lets go of a person who's given them 10 years of service and is 8 months pregnant? That's what kills me. She's due at anytime and they cut her free and took away her benefits. She did nothing immorally, nothing that deserves that kind of punishment. It was a "sorry, but we don't think this is working out" kind of deal and they sent her packing.

What a vile thing to do to someone. At my work there is a process that must be followed to let someone go and this place skipped about 5 steps. Such a poorly run company and I think that other peoples agendas took over. Maybe it's time to lawyer up?

In any event, here we sit a few weeks or even days away from the birth of our second child and we have lost a massive amount of our income. I've never been so scared or unsure in my life. My wife is a smart gal and will find something, that I'm sure. But the reality is that nobody is going to hire an 8 month pregnant woman who is then going to be taking maternity leave. It looks like 3 months without that income.

We will survive. It's what we do. We have a great cast of supporting family and friends. All these people, along with my awesome wife, is what's keeping the smile on my face, despite the uncertainty in my stomach.

Top Ten Games of the 1990's

Nearly four years ago I wrote a blog about the best games of the 1980's. I said that one day I'd write a blog about the best games of the 1990's. I didn't intend to wait as long as I did. I actually started brainstorming and writing down ideas right away. But this task was huge. I was 10-19 years old during the 90's. As a young boy during that time, you can imagine I played a lot of video games. Plus, those 10 years we saw so many good games. Hundreds of awesome games. How could I possibly come up with a list of only 10? Well, I couldn't. But I've forced myself to do it now. I'm sure this list could be written a dozen different ways depending on my mood, but I'm going to stick by my guns on this one. So with all of that said, let's start off with a few that just missed the cut...

The honorable mentions:

Metal Gear Solid, BattleToads, Twisted Metal, Grand Theft Auto, Madden Football, LoZ: Links Awakening, Sonic 2, Silent Hill, Pokemon (name your color), and the countless "beat em ups" like Final Fight, Ninja Turtles, X-Men, Streets of Rage, and so on...

10. SimCity 2000
Mac & PC 1994, Consoles 1995-1996

SimCity was an unexpected success. Hardcore video game fans and casual fans alike flocked to the city building simulation. SimCity 2000 took everything good about the original and made it, well 2000 times better. With better graphics, a new 3D style layout, and countless scenarios, SimCity 2000 allowed me to play, destroy, build, and grow cities of my own creation. The game made you plan how you'd zone land for agriculture, commercial business, residential areas, government buildings, and more. Depending on how habitable your city was and how much you would charge your Sims taxes, would correlate with how your city would thrive. There was a massive amount of strategy you'd need to make a great city, or you could just cheat and enter the code "I am weak" to have endless amounts of money to create the city of your dreams. This game alone has made me purchase a Playstation One, well past its prime, just to play again.

9. Tony Hawk's Pro Skater
Playstation, Dreamcast, N64 1999

Just squeezing in at the end of the 90's comes the first game in a classic video game franchise. Tony Hawk's Pro Skater burst on the scene at the height of the X-games, and Tony Hawk was a Gen-X star. The game featured critically acclaimed controls and graphics for the time and was as much fun to play as it was to look at. But one thing the Pro Skater games always delivered on was the soundtrack. No other game at the time, or maybe even ever, has had licensed music that fit the theme and feel of a game so well. Featuring artists like Primus, The Dead Kennedy's, and Goldfinger, the soundtrack added as much depth as anything else. Even though Pro Skater 3 came out in 2002, and is obviously exempt from this list, my favorite music moment happened to be when Motorheads "Ace of Spades" blared through the speakers and kicked your ass while you were doing aerials, flips, and grinds. Deep levels full of ramps, rails, and hidden areas made Pro Skater a game that was highly re-playable.

8. NBA Live series
NES, SNES, N64, Playstation 1995-1999

EA Sports! If it's in the game, it's in the game! Those words came crashing through your speakers each time you popped in your copy of an NBA Live game. Before the classic series was released in 1995, EA was releasing NBA games under different titles. First you had the playoff series games including The Bulls VS Blazers and The Lakers VS Celtics, and then in 1994 came NBA Showdown. While these games were all fine games, they weren't as polished or had the depth that the Live series did. Live was one of the first sports games that let you manage your roster by trading players, creating players, and kept detailed stats on the season. Sick of Felton Spencer as your starting Center? Well go ahead and trade him for David Robinson. Sweet deal. The Live games were the first sporting games that I remember making an elite shooter actually shoot better than others. Guys with above average leaping ability could dunk from farther out. The game really was the first to aim for more of a simulation feel over the arcade style of most sporting games at the time, well that is until Karl Malone would throw down a 360, two handed slam, but who cares? It was badass! Sadly, the Live series never transitioned well with the current consoles and has since been abandoned.

7. Golden Eye 007
N64 1997

If you play video games today, chances are you have played Halo, Call of Duty, Battlefield, or countless other first person shooter games. If any of those games are amongst your favorites, you owe a great deal of gratitude to Rare and the Nintendo 64 for this game. Before this game came out, first person shooters, like Doom, were a PC style game. Many in the industry didn't think that a FPS would work well on a console. They were dead wrong. Based off the 007 movie of the same name, you control James Bond in an open world, 3D environment. Your purpose is to stop some baddies from ruining the financial stability of London. I think. I just loved running around awesome looking levels (yes, the haven't aged well) while shooting the hats and helmets of the bad guys. But as awesome as the campaign was, the 4 player deathmatch is what made Golden Eye the 3rd best selling N64 game ever. What is a common video game theme now, was new with 007. The deathmatch pitted you vs 3 of your buddies in a match to see who could kill each other the most. With great level designs, fun weapons, and at the time, excellent graphics, Golden Eye started what Halo, Call of Duty, and the rest have followed.

6. Street Fighter 2 & Mortal Kombat (1&2)
Arcades and consoles (1991-1993)

In a tie comes the two most played "fighters' of the 90's. Street Fighter 2 and Mortal Kombat. Similar in format, but completely different in execution. SF2 was released in arcades in 1991 and was met with immediate success. Based off that success, Mortal Kombat was released in 1992. The reason I have these tied is because both were huge to the industry, huge with fans, and I thoroughly enjoyed them both. Where SF2 felt like a more polished fighter, with fast moves that could be turned into combos, fun character designs (even if a tad racist when looking back), and slick cartoon animations, MK was over the top with violence, gore, sexual tones, and used sprites based on actors. MK's use of Fatalities after winning fights were fun to watch, if you could input the right combo in time. Both games had their pluses and minuses when comparing them, but I just couldn't pick a winner. I could ramble about both games, but I'm guessing almost everyone who's ever played a video game has played both of these titles. So based of their equal awesomeness, they will share this spot on my silly list. Moving on...

5. Super Mario World

SNES 1990

Making use of the huge visual and audio upgrade over the Nintendo Entertainment System comes Super Mario World for the Super Nintendo. As the fourth Super Mario game released, this story follows the Brothers on their vacation to Dinosaur Land. Being the helpless Princess she is, Princess Toadstool is once again kidnapped and Mario and Luigi must save the day.  This classic side scrolling adventure game introduced many new elements to the Mario games including Mario's sidekick, Yoshi. Using an overworld map, similar to the one introduced in Super Mario 3, 2 players can take turns as Mario and Luigi by playing through different maps in true Super Mario fashion. With timeless music, beautiful graphics, and deep level design, Super Mario World is one of the highest rated games of all time. Along with being bundled with many SNES consoles, this game has sold over 20 million copies, making it one of the most purchased games ever.

4. Super Mario 64

N64 1996

As big as an upgrade as Super Mario World was to its NES kin, Super Mario 64 was leaps on bounds bigger than what we were used to from the SNES. For the first time a Mario game was going to be played in a free roam 3D world. Breaking away from the 2D side scrolling games we've known him for, our favorite Italian plumber was once again saving Princess Toadstool (AKA Peach) from Bowser, but this time through 3D polygons and open world level designs. This game, like Golden Eye, revolutionized its genre. With the new 3D worlds, Mario was given new jumping and running abilities, and the camera system that followed your character is still leaps and bounds better than many used today. With much bigger levels, this Mario game is deeper than any before it. It has hidden areas, hidden coins, and power ups, making exploration absolutely fun. The levels in this game are some of the best in any Mario game and I spent many hours replaying this game to find every hidden coin and star. For me, this was not just the best Mario game released in the 1990's, but one of the best games ever created.

3. Tecmo Super Bowl

NES 1991

Like it's baby brother on my 80's list, here comes Tecmo Super Bowl on my 90's list. Being the first video game ever to be both licensed by a pro sports league and the players association, Tecmo was the first game to feature real NFL teams and players. Even though this is common practice now, this was the first time you could play a game with your favorite team and favorite player. Super Bowl expanded on some things from the first game including having twice as many plays to call, offensive substitutions, injuries, fumbles, coin tosses, post season play, and the pro bowl. Keeping its arcade style of play, Tecmo was one fun game that I spent a lot of time playing. The game was released at the end of the NES's run and was released again with improved graphics for the SNES. This game too was an absolute blast. They released two more versions (SB 2 & SB 3) on the SNES during the 90's and I bought and played each one for countless hours. Many people who love sports games would have probably put a Madden game on their list, but to me, no football game has ever been as much fun as the Tecmo Super Bowl titles. 

2. Resident Evil

Playstation 1996

I'll say this now, I love Resident Evil games. All of them. Even the bad ones. So maybe I'm a little biased having this title as highly ranked, but this is my list so deal with it! ;) Anyhow, in 1996 Capcom released a little game called Biohazard in Japan. The Playstation (which can I say did not age as gracefully as other consoles) got a port and was renamed Resident Evil. Taking place in Raccoon City, you take control of one of two S.T.A.R.S. members, Chris Redfield or Jill Valentine. Each player has different abilities and the story progresses a little differently based on your selection. After reports of cannibalism taking place in Raccoon City, Team Bravo is sent to investigate. When they do not come back, Team Alpha is sent in. You spend the game exploring a mansion that is full of undead enemies and awesome puzzles. I love survival horror games for their drama, frights, unexpected twists and thought provoking levels. The Resident Evil games have some of the best puzzles in all of gaming. Sure the graphics haven't aged well, the tank controls feel even more odd than before, but Resident Evil has so much to offer, it's easy to get past all of that, even today. This game was one of the first to feature multiple endings based on what you accomplished while playing. Just typing this makes me want to grab some typewriter ink, a box of bullets, and some green herbs (no, not that kind of green herbs, Adverse!). 

1. The Legend of Zelda - Ocarina of Time

N64 1998

"Listen!" It's safe to say that Ocarina of Time might just be my favorite video game ever. Like Super Mario 64, OoT was the first Zelda game to utilize 3D graphics and polygon characters instead of sprites. This game is a little bit action/adventure, a little bit role playing, and a little bit of a puzzle game. You control Link, from a 3rd person perspective, through the land of Hyrule. Your quest is to save the Princess Zelda from the evil Ganondorph. At the time it was released, Hyrule was a massive video game world. On your quest you encounter many different areas with different races of people. The Kokiri, which Link lives with at the start of the game, are a forrest living people who have fairies and talk with the great Deku Tree. The Goron are rock like people who live on mountains and volcano's. The Zora are a fish like people who live underwater around Hyrule. The Gerudo are a tribal people consisting of women that move about like vagabonds. The Sheikah are an almost extinct race of ninja assassins. They Hylians are the common humanoid people of the game, which Link himself is a member of. The game also has its race of fairies and Gods too. With your interactions with the different races and people in Hyrule, OoT delivers a diverse game with deep story progressions and interactions. During your time in Hyrule, Link is given the Fairy Ocarina and later the Ocarina of Time. This musical instrument allows link to travel to different areas, solve puzzles, access the master sword, and then time travel. By traveling in time, Link must solve some puzzles as a small boy to then later access as an adult, and vise verse. If you need to get through a small entry way you can play your Ocarina, turn into young Link and then crawl through. Then if the next area requires a weapon only the adult Link can carry, you play the Ocarina again to turn into an adult. That is actually an over simplified event to show what the Ocarina can do, the puzzles involved are done so well and were so much fun. The game is filled with excellent side missions, fun town folk, random nonsense (chicken throwing?), and great controls. But the one thing Zelda games do better than others are the "dungeons". This game does not disappoint. The level designs, puzzles, and then boss battles are some of the best ever in all of gaming. And unlike my love for Resident Evil, most video game people feel the same as I do about OoT. Not only was it chosen as the 1999 Game of the Year, most reviews of the game have said this game is about as perfect as gaming gets. 

Whew... Finally done. I'm not going to say anything about making a list about the 2000's. Talk about pressure! Anyhow, I hope you enjoy this read and my thought about the best game of the 90's. If you think I missed something or one of my games listed is way off base, hit me up! 

Oh my little Lu...

Little girl,

That's what you are. You're no longer a baby. Sure you still do things that babies do. You want a binky (bee) at night, you fight me on using your big girl potty, and you still sleep in a crib. But that's where the baby part ends. You are a little girl.

You talk in full complete sentences. You can easily convey for emotions, thoughts, and wants. You memorize song lyrics in full with just a couple listenings and then woo your mother and I with your version. You have a seriously funny sense of humor and are quick witted too. Have I mentioned you talk well? Of course I have. Want to know why I keep bringing that up? It's because you don't stop. I call you "Motor Mouth Maybelle". You just keep going. And going. But I love every minute of it.

Soon your baby sister will be born and we are all so excited. You talk about her all the time and are fully aware that she lives in your moms belly but will one day come out "to play" with you. I'm equally excited and nervous for the day she comes. Will I be able to handle two little girls? Yikes.

I love you to the moon and back little girl. You're "my buddy" and "daddy's best friend". Thank you for bringing so much joy into our lives, my little Lucille Joy.

Outnumbered by good

Like the rest of America, my heart is hurting. The acts that happened during the Boston Marathon were pure evil. I went from shock, to sadness, to anger. I exchanged texts with friends and we talked about how much the world sucks. I was in a funk and then my wife pointed out this post from Patton Oswalt, or as Lucy would say, Remmy from Ratatouille.

Boston. Fucking horrible. 

I remember, when 9/11 went down, my reaction was, "Well, I've had it with humanity."

But I was wrong. I don't know what's going to be revealed to be behind all of this mayhem. One human insect or a poisonous mass of broken sociopaths. 

But here's what I DO know. If it's one person or a HUNDRED people, that number is not even a fraction of a fraction of a fraction of a percent of the population on this planet. You watch the videos of the carnage and there are people running TOWARDS the destruction to help out. (Thanks FAKE Gallery founder and owner Paul Kozlowski for pointing this out to me). This is a giant planet and we're lucky to live on it but there are prices and penalties incurred for the daily miracle of existence. One of them is, every once in awhile, the wiring of a tiny sliver of the species gets snarled and they're pointed towards darkness. 

But the vast majority stands against that darkness and, like white blood cells attacking a virus, they dilute and weaken and eventually wash away the evil doers and, more importantly, the damage they wreak. This is beyond religion or creed or nation. We would not be here if humanity were inherently evil. We'd have eaten ourselves alive long ago. 

So when you spot violence, or bigotry, or intolerance or fear or just garden-variety misogyny, hatred or ignorance, just look it in the eye and think, "The good outnumber you, and we always will."

Well said Mr. Oswalt. Thank you. 

FB addict

It's been only a couple days, but I actually do miss my Facebook more than I thought I would. Don't get it wrong, I do not miss the negativity, the political ramblings, and all the other problems I have with the site. I admitted it then, and I do now, I not only have an Internet obsession, but I'm also a Facebook addict. It was my way to stay connected to certain people. It's just too bad that I let certain others affect me as much as I have. Who knows how long my ban will last? I already miss my wife's funny quirks, pictures of my nieces and nephews, and the hilarious antics of some kid named Adverse.

Goodbye Facebook

So my facebook is no more. I've grown tired of the xenophobes, the politics, the narcissism, the feuds, the games, the endless fishing of complements, the never ending pictures begging you to like them and by choosing to ignore them you hate Jesus/want death to America/hate your Mom/enjoy terrorism, etc... It's all become a chore.

I admit it, I've been addicted to facebook. I would check it daily, if not every other hour. My iPhone would notify me (not by choice, I just never changed that feature) and I always have my computer on at home. I didn't use it to self promote myself, but I did try to bring smiles to peoples faces. My main purpose was to keep in contact with my brother in Virginia, my best friend in San Francisco, and my other friends and family across the country. It was a really useful tool to keep in touch.

But for some reason our society thinks because we sit behind a computer that manners do not apply. Go to any website and see the comments people have left. People, in general, are not nice. Whether trolling to get your goat, looking for shock value, or just being a jerk because they can, the Internet seems to be overrun by loud mouth individuals.

It's ok to express yourself. It's ok to make a stand for what you believe. But what most lack in doing so is tact. So often people were not just talking about what they believe in, they would also disrespect, call out, and try to humiliate anyone with different ideals. It's rather sad. I've seen more racism, sexism, political nonsense, and good old fashion xenophobic behavior online than I ever have in person. People say things online that they'd never say to a stranger in person.

The worst part of all of that is, the people on your facebook are supposed to be your friends and family. Nothing like seeing the people closest to you saying ugly and nasty things. Am I guilt free of such behavior? No. I too would be drawn in and would fire back. But that is not how I was raised, and that is not how I want to raise my children. I was taught to respect others, especially family and close friends.

So instead of constantly blocking people, deleting friends, and hurting feelings, I took myself out of the situation. I've grown tired of it all. I'll find away to keep in contact with friends and family. You'll still get your Lucy photo fix. Heck, I may return to facebook sometime down the line. But for now, this fat kid has logged off.

Dear Lucy

My dear Lucy,

Friday we find out if you're getting a baby brother or baby sister. I'm very eager to find out what the baby is. Your mother and I are defiantly worlds apart, because of me, on a name if it turns out to be a boy. If it's a girl, we have a name set. Maybe. Your middle name was going to be Marie until a couple weeks before you were born. At my Poppa's funeral, your mother heard a cute story about how my Mom was suppose to be named Joy but Poppa changed it during her church blessing without Grandma Lucille's knowledge. Your Mom loved that story and because in a way it still represents my Mom, Grandma Lucy's wish, and because you brought our lives so much JOY, we made the change.

I know you're only two and despite the fact your Mom and I think you're way too smart, I know you won't be able to read this for a very long time. But right now when I try to tell you these things, I sometimes tear up and you just think your Dad is a sad, funny man. So I thought I'd put in down on a blog, pens and paper are so 1998. The real purpose wasn't to tell you the story behind your name. I know you'll hear that a bunch of times growing up. The real reason I'm doing this is to tell you I love you like I've never loved before.

When we found out about Rufus (one of the many ugly names I use when talking about baby, it drives Mom nuts), after the initial excitement, I actually got scared. I love you and Mom so much, but in very different capacities. I will never love another woman like I do your Mom, she's my world, my best friend, and partner. But the love for child is so different, so powerful, it's actually something very hard for me to describe in words. Anyhow, when I got scared it wasn't because I didn't want another baby, I do want another child really bad. I just got scared and wondered how I could ever love another child like I do you. I obviously know it's possible, my Mom had four kids and we all felt like we were the favorite. But the love I have for you makes me feel like my heart could burst at any moment, makes me shed random tears of happiness, it's turned me into that obnoxious parent that has to show everyone your pictures. Yes, I'm that guy.

So again, captain tangent, what's the point? I just want you to know that no matter what attention the new baby gets, no matter how cute and awesome Rufus will be, and no matter that Rufus will be loved AS MUCH as you, nobody will EVER BE LOVED MORE. You're my little buddy, and I love you beyond the stars and back. You're only two years old and I absolutely adore you. I just want you to always know this, and I will spend my life reminding you, embarrassing you, and doing what I can to show you. I was meant to be a Daddy, and I'm thankful everyday that I get to be yours. Happy Valentines little one.

Spring Training, Hall of Fame, and Bye Bye Kings

With baseball around the corner I have sports on the brain. Nothing more exciting than Spring Training baseball. The optimism surrounding your favorite team. The excitement of seeing new players and staff. The one time a year that every team is even in the standings. Is your club going to rise to the top, or be in the bottom of the standings come fall? I'm a Mets fan, so mine is probably the latter.

With all these thoughts of baseball, I can't help but think of the Hall of Fame balloting that just happened and the many, many names that were left off due to either suspected PED (performance enhancing drugs) usage, or admittance to it. My whole take on the idea is a simple one; LET THESE GUYS IN! There is no reason to let these athletes miss out on the Hall because of their PED use. First off, who's to say the generation before them wasn't on something? Hell, many players from the 70's & 80's were doing hardcore narcotics before, after, and sometimes during the game. Secondly, these guys were playing alongside other PED users. Barry Bonds was crushing home runs, but the pitcher throwing him the ball was also using. How does anyone have the advantage if they are all using? Plus, as fans, we wanted to see Bonds, McGuire, Sosa, Palmeiro, and so on, hit the ball out of the park. We wanted these men in peak physical condition and they achieved it.

 Reading the books and articles that I have, the league and clubs knew what the players were up too. The revenue was at its highest. We wanted it, they delivered it. Now that MLB wants to distance itself from that era, which I also understand, I think by doing the drug testing and making the rules clear to all, that they are doing the right thing. However, the players shouldn't suffer or be excluded from the Hall because now MLB is worried about their image. These players and their alleged PED usage brought baseball back to the American forefront. Many fans had given up on the game due to the strike in 1994. We all watched Sosa and McGuire battle for the home run record, and once again, baseball was Americas past time.

You can bring up the fact that part of the Hall of Fame standards center around character, and then use that as an argument to keep them out. But if you're going to go that route, explain to me why we have guys like Ty Cobb, and extraordinary ball player, in the Hall of Fame even though he was a HUGE racist, with a violent history, who was also accused of stabbing a black man to death? If you ask me, being a racist-douchebag-killer is much worse than sticking a needle in your butt. Honestly, as a man that has never tried an illegal drug and didn't have my first beer until my 21st birthday, I believe keeping the players from this era out of the Hall is a bigger black eye to the sport than the drug use that was happening.

Now off that subject and on to another; I have to say that I am happy to see that basketball is most likely returning to Seattle. I know that it's got to hurt the fans of Sacramento that their Kings will be leaving, but outside of that area nobody in the rest of the country will be sad. I can go on and explain why Seattle is a better NBA town, but that would be like kicking the Sacramento fan while they're down. All I have to say to the people who are upset and use the "I can't believe the NBA would let us lose our Kings" rant, is REALLY? You can't believe the NBA would allow the Rochester Royals/Cincinnati Royals/Kansas City-Omaha Kings/ Kansas City Kings/Sacramento Kings to move? This franchise has moved more than any other in the league. I'd be mad if I lived in Sacramento and were a Kings fan, so really I mean no disrespect, but Seattle is a much larger TV market and the team will thrive there. Let's just hope the owners get rid of Cousins, that guy is a cancer.

With those rants, I'm out!

Time just flies by

I can't believe it's already February 2013. Seems like my life has been a giant whirlwind. If I'm not home, running after a hyper 2 year old, I'm at work, putting in a very long day. Seems like just keeps going, nonstop. Not complaining at all, I'm actually very happy, just in awe of how fast time gets away.

Brian and his family came out after Christmas and spent about two weeks here. It was great to see them all, but between the horrible weather, every single kid getting the flu, myself getting the flu, and then a medical scare for Jill, lets just say it wasn't the most relaxing two weeks for anyone in this household. Nevertheless, it was wonder seeing him, Krystal, Isaac, and Grace.

My sweet baby girl turned 2 in January. That alone makes me feel like time is moving in fast forward. Her birth feels like it just happened. I'm so amazed by her intelligence, demeanor, and size! Her doctor said she's very advanced mentally, and she's in 89th(ish) percentile for height. Between her size, motor skills, and language, it's like we have a four year old at home.

Lucy really loves Thanksgiving Point. Between the Dinosaur museum and Farm, she just can't get enough. My in laws bought me a membership for Christmas and Lucy and I have taken full advantage of it! She runs around, pretending the Dino's are out to get her. She's so funny.

My sweet Jill is looking very pregnant now. She's like my Mom was. You can see the baby pushing outwards. She's doing really good, and even when she's not feeling the best, she doesn't complain much and is just happy for this blessing. We find out in two week the baby's gender! So excited. Let the name debates begin!