My Light

Uncertainty has been the theme of my life as of late. Wavering between jobs. Wondering if the money I walked away from in my management position was worth giving up. Fears over how good of a job I am doing with Lucy. I've been sleeping very hard and deep lately, which isn't normal for me. But because of this I seem to remember my dreams better than ever, and I wish I didn't. My dreams are full of these uncertainties and I often wake up unrested and even more stressed.

I don't know what I am suppose to do or how I am really suppose to be. I try to be a good friend to those around me, but more importantly I try to be a better husband and father. What truly matters to me is Lucy and Jill. Am I making the right choices for them, or am I being selfish and looking out for me? Of course I want to be around them more and I want to do work that makes me happy, but was cutting out the money the right choice? I guess the jury is still out on that one.

What I do know is that through all of this craziness I have had the unwavering support of my beautiful wife. She's dealt with my highs and my lows. She's laughed with me. She's listened to my rants. She's consoled me when I've been down. Whatever I needed her be, she was, by my side. I've been a mess and she's been right there beside me to dust me off and set me right again.

Though my life seems to be a whirlwind of confusion, she has been my guiding light in the darkness. My foundation to keep me stable. Without her I'd be lost. I know I talk about Lucy a lot, like any proud papa would, but Jill is my world. Without her there is no Lucy. Without her, there probably is no Matt. Her love and support keeps me going and I hope she knows how much I care. Any ounce of true happiness I have left is from what she gives me. I hope I give her just as much in return.

"And in the end, the love you take is equal to the love you make" - Paul McCartney