2010 has been a roller coaster year. Many down moments filled with incredible highs mixed in. It's left me feeling rather odd. We've found out we are pregnant (major high) and most of my thoughts have been on this. I'm sure most of them are the normal "oh my god, I'm going to be a parent" thoughts that first time parents have. I've also been thinking about getting a bigger home to raise my daughter, wife, and many pets. I've been thinking about my job and wondering if the pay is worth the time lost at home. I've been thinking about my family, wondering why things are they way they are (major low).
My work schedule has left me feeling tired and alone. I work 11-9 five days a week. It's pretty much a day killer. It doesn't leave me much time to visit friends, spend time with the wife, actually be productive around the house, or enjoy my down time. By the time Jill and I have dinner, it's usually time for her to go to bed, and then I have to occupy my time with Netflix, the Internet, or my Xbox.
Oh Xbox. Where has the love gone? Sure I still play it, too much I'm sure. However, I'm just not having much fun doing it. Maybe the quality of games are lacking, or perhaps I'm growing out of it? Who knows? What I do know is that I seem to be having less fun not only on my Xbox, but with life in general.
Now let me clarify that before my three readers think I'm depressed. I'm actually very happy and am looking forward to Lucy being born. But the little things that used to bring me joy, just aren't cutting it lately. I haven't really been listening to music, I've mentioned my Xbox, and the Internet is kind of boring me. Maybe I'm just really focused on Lucy, or maybe I am in need of a new adventure.
I don't quite feel blah, or sad. I'm not really myself though. The only way I can think of describing it it so say I feel odd. Hopefully a quick little trip to San Francisco to visit friends will help me feel refreshed. Either way, January 2010 can't come fast enough.
2 comments:
I have found myself feeling the same way and I think it's the fact that we're about to go through a major life changing event so anything that brought us joy before just doesn't quite seem enough-besides each other.
I think we're just entering a new phase of our lives. It's not going to be just about Matt and Jill anymore. There will be one more to add to our fun, to our adventures, to our lives. That's HUGE and in a good way.
And it's like while we're waiting for that to happen, nothing is quite fulfilling. But I do think San Fran will help-a nice get away, time for just you and I, a babymoon of sorts.
I don't know if I'm making any sense though...
XBox isn't as fun because there aren't 6 of us crammed into your guest bedroom playing Castle Crashers anymore.
Obviously.
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