Lucille Joy Mabey

My sweet baby girl finally decided to join us on January 4th 2011

Brian, Keven, Sarah, Zach, and Katie

Those are my siblings. Brian, Keven, and Sarah are the spawn of my mother and father. Zach and Katie are my stepbrother and stepsister. I love all of them dearly. I haven't seen Zach or Katie in a very long time. Because of my deteriorating relationship with my father and stepmother, those two have chosen to stop talking to me. It breaks my heart, but I understand their reasoning. No matter the reason for the family dysfunction, that is their mother and I am just the stepbrother. I can't say I blame them. I just wish they knew that I love them like they were my blood too. Maybe one day?

As for Brian, Keven, and Sarah, well those kids are in my life, and outside of Jill (and Lucy), they are my heart. Brian and I are only two years apart in age, so naturally we were more like enemies then buddies growing up. Actually when he was first born, I was so in love with him. I thought having a baby brother was so neat. But a few years later he got really good at finding ways to get me in trouble, so then I'd pummel him. It was a viscous cycle. As we grew up, we got better at getting along and as adults we've become best friends. He serves in the Navy now and has become a very great man. I look up to him in many ways and I am very proud of him. Even though he doesn't have children, he dated a lady who had a son. Brian was the BEST damn example on being a father. Seeing him with that child only made my desire to be a father grow. It was funny seeing the family rebel turn into Mr. Navy and into a stand up father. You are a great man Brian!

Keven was my mothers sensitive little man. Thing is he grew up to be a very tall, strong, keep the emotions on the inside man. But that's not saying he still isn't sensitive, he just doesn't share with many people. Keven has been dealt such a bad hand in life, but he keeps fighting and pushing forward. He is the hardest working of the bunch, and even though it drives him nuts when I say it, he acts like our father in many ways. He is also the "pretty" one out of the Mabey boys. He doesn't buy clothes, he buys "outfits". Keven and I have grown very close in the past 10 years and I love him dearly. I hope that one day the drama that seems to follow him will let him be and he will be liberated from the emotional damage. Keven, you are a great person. I wish I had half of the know-how and motivation to succeed as you do. The way you carry on day to day to be the best is an inspiration to me.

Sarah, my dear sister. Mom was so happy that she finally got her girl. She was born on April Fool's day and the doctor told my mom, "Congratulations, you have a boy". She wasn't pleased with the joke. I moved out of my dad's home in 1998 and sis, was only 10. I missed so much time with her when she was growing up, and it makes me sad. I did get to live with her during her last year of high school, but she kind of followed in Brian's shoes and was a handful. I did my best to try to be a good big brother and to be sort of a father figure to her. Not sure if I helped at all, but I tried. Since then, Sarah has moved to Park City and lives the life of a ski bum, and I mean that in the best way possible. She gets paid to work at the ski resort and then gets to ski on her free time. Sounds like a sweet deal to me! She's pretty darn good at it too! I am really proud of my sister and the young woman she's become. She looks just like mom and many of her mannerisms are the same. Keep doing what makes you happy in life sis, you have to enjoy the journey. Just know that I love you very much and I'll always be around for you.

The reason I wrote this is because all of you have been on my mind. I just want you to know that we are family and my love for you is never ending. I will always be around no matter what, for all of you. I will never back down when life gets hard. I will never leave your side and you can always count on me. You will always have your big brother here for you. You are MY FAMILY. Us against the world!

Due Date

So this is it. This is my last night being just Matt the husband. Tomorrow morning Jill and I check into the hospital and I'll soon become Matt the dad! I can't believe I am just hours away from my life changing forever. It's a very weird feeling after 30 years to know that life will be so much more than what it is now. Every single choice I make from here on out will be different because of the different ramifications. No longer can I just run off with my wife to Vegas for the weekend. I can't randomly spend money and stupid new tech toys. Am I sad I can't do that anymore? Not really. I've wanted to be a dad for so long, that giving up those things are more than worth it. But it will be different. I've lived a selfish adult life, and now it's time to be selfless.

2010

Finally, this year is coming to end. I've stayed off my blog most of the year, due mostly to some turmoil between myself and my parents. I didn't want to pop off and say something to damage the relationship even more. I'm not really sure where that relationship is going, but I've been urged by a few to write, so I'm coming back here to write about this fat kids world. If I feel like writing about that situation and it ends up making things worse, I'll just have to deal with it when it does. It's been a long, trying year and I've been through and seen very much. Some very important people in my life passed away, my wife and I finally got pregnant, and some other trials and tribulations happened along the journey. I'll be on to recap some of the highlights and some of the lowlights, either way I am back. I have so much hope for 2011 and I promise I'll be on here much more to keep all three of you updated. Stay tuned, Lucille Joy Mabey is scheduled to join my world on 1/3/11. Those of you who know me, understand why that date is pretty cool. Perhaps I'll have to change the blog title to Rants of a Fat Dad?

Feeling odd

2010 has been a roller coaster year. Many down moments filled with incredible highs mixed in. It's left me feeling rather odd. We've found out we are pregnant (major high) and most of my thoughts have been on this. I'm sure most of them are the normal "oh my god, I'm going to be a parent" thoughts that first time parents have. I've also been thinking about getting a bigger home to raise my daughter, wife, and many pets. I've been thinking about my job and wondering if the pay is worth the time lost at home. I've been thinking about my family, wondering why things are they way they are (major low).

My work schedule has left me feeling tired and alone. I work 11-9 five days a week. It's pretty much a day killer. It doesn't leave me much time to visit friends, spend time with the wife, actually be productive around the house, or enjoy my down time. By the time Jill and I have dinner, it's usually time for her to go to bed, and then I have to occupy my time with Netflix, the Internet, or my Xbox.

Oh Xbox. Where has the love gone? Sure I still play it, too much I'm sure. However, I'm just not having much fun doing it. Maybe the quality of games are lacking, or perhaps I'm growing out of it? Who knows? What I do know is that I seem to be having less fun not only on my Xbox, but with life in general.

Now let me clarify that before my three readers think I'm depressed. I'm actually very happy and am looking forward to Lucy being born. But the little things that used to bring me joy, just aren't cutting it lately. I haven't really been listening to music, I've mentioned my Xbox, and the Internet is kind of boring me. Maybe I'm just really focused on Lucy, or maybe I am in need of a new adventure.

I don't quite feel blah, or sad. I'm not really myself though. The only way I can think of describing it it so say I feel odd. Hopefully a quick little trip to San Francisco to visit friends will help me feel refreshed. Either way, January 2010 can't come fast enough.

I'm Still Here

I haven't forgotten about my blog. In fact I have plenty of things I want to write about. However, it has been a very crazy, confusing summer. I've had a very difficult time with some members of my family and I knew that if I wrote on my blog while the emotions were raw, I'd write somethings that shouldn't be aired or would hurt feelings. So I've to let myself cool off and I've reflected on all of it. I've decided that you can't change peoples hearts or minds and that I come from a loving, yet stubborn and confused group of well meaning people. No longer am I going to try to make all sides of my family happy. If they want to continue harboring ill will and false ideas about me, and others, so be it. I am a happy person and I will not let them hold me back. I am going to be a father soon and I have too much love inside for Jill and our family to let the other stuff get in the way. I'll always love them all and I will be here, like always when they want to be too. But from here on out, Matt Mabey is back to write his stupid blog for all three of you that look at it!

It's a baby!

So we went to the "girly doctor" as I like to call it, and we had an ultrasound done on Jill. We are only 8 weeks along so we didn't go to find out the babies sex. No, we went to count babies. Since it was taking us a long time to get pregnant, we decided to take fertility pills. One "side-effect" of fertility drugs is that the chances of multiple births take place. I kept telling Jill that if we have more than one kid TLC better give us a reality show because I can't afford that, plus I'd be funner to watch then that crazy Kate lady! Anyhow, thankfully for us there was the only one little heartbeat. I was so happy! The ultrasound helped me get through a bunch of my worries (multiple kids, zero kids, etc...) and I feel much more confident. The dr. said our little "lima bean" had a good, healthy heartbeat. January 9th is the expected due date.